Racism Within
I wrote this in February 2019 and shared in a blog I had at the time. With all the recent tragedies, I want to share it again in it’s original form. If we want change we must start with ourselves.
Racism Within and Our Implicit Biases
A few months ago, I decided to try a new grocery delivery service and as I chose my produce online I found myself choosing more than I normally would, things like tomatoes and greens I’d normally reserve for myself to choose later when I was able to go to the store. While I waited for the company to pack and deliver my groceries I mentioned to husband how I felt better about letting this company chose the produce I normally never ordered online. As we discussed this phenomenon, I posed the question: Why?
The truth was I already knew why I felt more comfortable with this company and more specifically their workers choosing my groceries, but I was too afraid and embarrassed to say but my husband wasn’t and didn’t hesitate to say— because you’re racist.
And there it was. I sat confronted with that word. Racist. ME. An individual from a racial minority group who has worked with countless racially diverse families for my entire adulthood. There were a variety of emotions that accompanied that statement along with a million other responses I thought of, but I just sat with that thought. Was I a racist?
Over the weeks that followed our grocery incident, I kept pondering that question. Was I a racist? I knew I wasn’t an overt racist but wanted to give my response the amount of reflection it needed so I picked up literature that talked about and addressed racism. I completed questionnaires created by Harvard University that measures your implicit biases on just about any stereotype. (You can find that here if you’re interested).
After much reflection I came to an awareness that while I do not believe I am a racist, I do hold implicit biases about groups of people. The more I read, I came to the realization that I am not alone in having implicit biases toward people that are not like “us”. It’s a hard truth for me to acknowledge because I am a person of inclusion. I have participated in marches celebrating people of culture and human rights and I believe myself to be a person who champions the struggling minority groups, yet I know that in this incident (and if I’m honest in other circumstances) I viewed a group of people as being incapable of picking my produce because of the biases I have toward them.
Upon my search to learn more I came upon countless articles that address the implicit biases in our culture and ultimately ourselves, even those of us that claim to be people of inclusion. Take for example the education system which according to the latest research shows that while black American students accounted for 15 percent of student population they represent 39 percent of students suspended in 2013-2014 . After attention was drawn to the disparities by the Civil Rights Data Collection the numbers dropped in 2015-2016 to 31 percent of black students arrested or suspended but regardless they are still highly represented in the school discipline data along with other minority groups including Native Americans and students with disabilities. There are many conclusions we can make to overlook the issue of implicit bias; we can conclude that it is about black student’s social economic backgrounds that causes them to act out more in school leading to more disciplinary action, but this is ignoring the role we play as individuals in the disparity.
It is overlooking the truth that we stereotype people based on their race, sex, or group we have labeled them under. I may claim to not have implicit biases because I have a black co-worker, a Hispanic brother-in-law, or a gay friend but when I assume (whether consciously or unconsciously) that a black student will talk back to me in a classroom setting, that a gay person needs to get right with God, or that I need to have a policeman outside of my church doors, not for protection against crime but to prevent a homeless man to enter our doors because the affluent congregation will not approve I have already made these individuals to either be the “bad guy” or have viewed them as less than me.
Realizing my own implicit bias, I was confronted with a choice, a choice on what to do with my truths. I could ignore them and carry on as if they didn’t exist or I could confront my own bias and try to grow from this incident. Practically speaking that meant sitting in my truths, despite how uncomfortable they felt. No, I am not a racist, but I do have biases where I have viewed groups of people as less than me and that is still dangerous territory. As I gain awareness of these biases I can begin to rewrite the narrative I’ve constructed in my head about the group of people I have stereotyped.
As a parent, I can make my children become aware of their privilege as half Caucasian children living in a better part of my city and begin to teach them to use their privileged to stand up for those who are not as privileged. I can model how to speak on their behalf while fighting for their dignity and worth. All the while balancing their view that while they fight for their rights, they are not better human beings than their black or Arab neighbors. Both have the same dignity and worth of any human being.
Speaking on other’s behalf is important but I would argue it is not the most important thing we can do to fight our own biases. The most important thing that my children and I can do is to get to know the individual. I can get to know their stories, their struggles, and be present with them. It is only then that my implicit bias of a black 17-year-old boy walking the streets of Sanford, Florida as being a criminal can change, and perhaps a life can be spared. I can look past the fights of cops vs blacks and begin authentic conversations where empathy, caring, and changing systems, ideologies, and institutions are the goals.